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It’s not popular to say (and I’m sure I’ll be e-stoned for saying it anyway), but if you’re overweight and serious about expanding your dating options, it may be worthwhile to shrink your waistline.

I’ve interviewed thousands of men in my career as a dating expert and journalist, and I’ve noticed that on every rundown of what it is that men are looking for in a woman, weight inevitably sneaks high on the list, usually in the form of “She works out” or “She stays fit” or “She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” — i.e., she’s not fat.

This big girl (and I suspect every other big girl with access to a TV) doesn’t need it.

And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.

I like my curves, I like ass, I like my legs, I like my boobs (which I only have in abundance, when I’m tipping the scales), and I like my face.

But the fact remains that I’m a short, dark-skinned, fat Black girl, with a natural.

My long term goal was about being in a committed relationship. I have seen over and over again how important it is to stay focused on what you want when it comes to making your dreams of finding love after 50 come true.

Sometimes it feels like there's no one out there to date. at school, at camp, and at after school activities.

Today, not having these types of common meeting places makes it harder to find single men to date. Growing up, we weren't taught who men really are and what makes them tick.

I have thought long and hard about my relationship to food (and exercise), and I have started to make some changes in order to remain healthy.

I also have both short and long term goals for doing so. So please save the condescending lectures (and arm-chair therapy) for someone else.

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