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I was one of the most dedicated volunteers in my church, had an active relationship with God, tried to be a compassionate and dedicated friend—yet I was still single.
But somehow as people pragmatically “select” each other, marriage as an institution has gone into crisis. Most children born to women under 30 are born outside of wedlock. Even those of us who have had humbling experiences in this realm can look at those who seem to have this lifelong thing figured out and see a different set of attitudes and presuppositions, which you might call a Regime of Covenants.There were women in their thirties, forties, and fifties who had never been married, yet they were cheerful and seemed content. So I entered my thirties feeling slightly more hopeful.Surely God had someone out there for me—I just had to shift my focus.“The greatest problem with the Regime of Choice stems from its misconception of maturity as absolute self-sufficiency,” Aronson writes. The desire for recognition is rendered as ‘neediness.’ Intimacy must never challenge ‘personal boundaries.’”Indeed, a lot of our social fragmentation grows out of the detached, utilitarian individualism that this regime embodies.The dating market becomes a true market, where people carefully appraise each other, looking for red flags.